Perfection; An Unachievable Dream

Assalamu'alaykum,

Perfection. A nice sequence of the different letters with an exceptional of the two e's, binding inextricably the words that have resulted the eloquence of the pronunciation. One dream that everyone has been craving for timelessly for one's faculty. An endowment which human beings willing to wait for centuries envisaging to be on the peak of self-actualization.

Analogically, the dream for perfection also has inflamed and triggered this world to vibrate hence causes cracks from the inner core inside the earth up until the iceberg crashes into island splitting it into two and smoulders the combustible volcanoes thus erupted, 'vomiting' out the lava.

In its respective nature, men are born fallibly and ascribed mistakes in the future undertakings. The moment babies are born into this world, out from the mother's womb, they are not able to see anything at all, not even their mothers. The vision is still in progress and in needs of time that the only thing that they could do is to cry in finding the familiarity of the ones who have carried them for 9 months, without a single grumbling being spoken out of the misery. Until the babies hugged by the mothers, and cuddled under the mother's arm, the melancholy stops, and tranquility emerges.


As men grow up in this temporal world, they learn so many new things. Absorbing and decoding every single thing that is happening in front of them, which matter vitally, for their cognitive process and study of perfection. As the time passes by, they reach a new level after another. One level where they only play one role at the moment and capable of imitating others bringing them to the next level where they can play more than one role but failed to understand allegorical statement which prompts them to survive into this world so gallantly that leads them to an achievement of being their own particular self. Still, men are looking for perfection.

One day, a young kid is walking down the street, he sees so many types of people scattered all over the place. Atrocious event suddenly takes place at that time and has caused the kid to startle. He runs to his father and pats his father's back.

" Would not God be more tolerance and bring peace into this world by breathing perfection in everyone's life, don't you think?. " The kid asks the father.

" Would not world would be boring if there will be no test and tribulation?. The faith is never being measured and don't you think that one can live in deviant once he gets all he wants to have without any obstructions, challenging their bravery and determination?. " Father addresses the question.

" But if it has been prescribed upon them that there are going to the hell fire, why would them being brought into existence in this world in the first place? "

" How sure they are that they are going to the hell fire?. Is it by sketching excuses would allow them to commit such vicious acta?. I want to ask you a question, what would you do if you are hungry?. "

" I would have stuffed foods inside my mouth, filling up my stomach. "

" Why would you do so?, don't you think that God has destined for you to be hungry forever?. "

Imperfection, it is a perpetual fate, preordained on every human being. Albeit never give up in striving for perfection. Start to share the words of Allah, the beauty of the Prophet and the way of life, Islam. Do not wait until the door, is closed.

"O ye who believe! If ye help Allah, He will help you and will make your foothold firm."
-Surah Muhammad, Ayat 7

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The Best Ummah

Assalamu'alaykum,

Almost everyday, yes, everyday I see uncalled news being reported relentlessly in the mainstream newspapers, news that are going to break your heart into pieces. Tabloid newspapers, above all other types of newspapers, prone to report one kind of horrifying, ruthless and atrocious news that are happening around us, over and over again. Amidst of this such vicious crimes occurring in our country, we still, ambitiously claim that we are an Islamic and God-Fearing society which peace is something that we relish at almost, every single time though the fact that there are conflicts creeping all over the place, it seems that ignorance gives just fine resolution.

To be straightforward, it is really hard to just sit down and keep silence when in front of you there are teenagers, who might be the same age as you are, unmarried, holding hands by greed, and hugging each other just to gratify their lustful desire and ultimately, adultery will be committed, as for what?, to prove their ostensible eternal love. After all, the man will besmirch that ungrudging girl's topmost precious throne, rape the girl off and expect to live happily ever after. It is indeed, a false hope that people always being fooled of the movies that envisage untruth dreams. As a result, what do you think would happen next?. Let me share with you, wait for the next few months and read on the newspapers, and it will sound like " Baby being dumped inside the trench " or " dead baby found at garbage dump " and by now, you should be able to predict other versions of the news headline.

At this stage, most of the teenagers would just ignore of everything that people say to them. Regardless how severe the censure may be thrown upon them, they seem to be could not careless and tend to think that they will survive successfully. In Psychology, it is called Personal Fable -click to read more-.

We can actually foresee what will happen in a future time but still we just choose to ignore and take care of ourselves only?. Maybe, we have forgotten the meaning of brotherhood and solidarity that we keep on craving for.

Even I am more saddened to actually realize we can do nothing, of the invasion by the enemies at our most holiest land in Palestine, genocide at Chechnya, war in Iraq, oppression in Afghanistan and where else?.

One question, how do we curb these issues?, is it by putting blame on the government -of course leadership plays a vital role-, fighting among each other and pointing finger, or is it being silence is the best thing that we could do?. Hopeless, don't you think when we speak out loud about Islam, uniting people, denounce debauchery but we just lay down on the bed and do nothing, nothing at all. This is a serious Islamic issue and it is not excluded from humanity scope that it is always inter-related.

It is time for us, Brothers and Sisters in faith and in humanity, we especially as a Muslim should perceive these issues seriously and must always remember that our actions will be asked in the day of judgement for Allah will reward you what you had done right and punish you for every wrong thing you committed in this world. As for my Christian, Hindust, Buddhist brothers and sisters, there is no more time for us to sit down and just look, we need to take heed and I am pretty sure that you guys would not like to see this world to be destructed just because we neglect our responsibility as a human being to clean this mess, up. Watch over your kids and make sure you know every single thing that they do, with whom they are befriending, nurture them with good moral values and do not blindly beat them for something that is negotiable and can be solved amicably through wisdom. It is not wrong for you all to emulate our-Muslims- way of life because Prophet Muhammad Sallahu'alayhi Wassalam was sent to spread the truth towards the mankind, and this is only an advisable suggestion.

Islam promotes peace, justice and love and certainly against any abominable action.

Everyone can speak how they want to change this world, but it takes an action to enliven it and put it into reality. Start from the smallest things that we always overlook. Remember, Islam touches every aspect of life; Worship, cleanliness, foods, marriage, parenting, and whatnot and our life is consider as Ibadah as long as we do it all for the sake of Allah Azzawajalla, alone, nothing else.

What you wear, your action, your face expression, it is all consider as Da'wah.

"Ye are the best community that hath been raised up for mankind. Ye enjoin right conduct and forbid indecency; and ye believe in Allah. And if the People of the Scripture had believed it had been better for them. Some of them are believers; but most of them are evil-livers."

- Surah Ali-Imran, Ayat 110

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" Well, as for me, personally, I think that the twins would have their thought, practically the same but not for their behaviour. Because, you see, sometimes, we as a human being, tend to be affected or westernize with the environment we are living in. Of course, in Islam we are the ones who give influence on others and regardless of the place we are living in, we shall have a strong faith in Allah swt. But, yes, sometimes our personality might be affected and the way of communicating could be, different. "

I voiced out during Social Psychology class . The class was discussing about the attitude of human beings living in one place, how they are shaped by the society and how they themselves shape the society, first and Allah's permit, question about the twins came across my mind. I am feeling blessed by Allah swt to be given this opportunity to seek knowledge. One thing that I love the most with almost all the lecturers of IIUM is that they will never secularize the subjects, topics that we are studying. Of course, as the name suggests, Islamic university, the Islamization of knowledge is being put into practices and not just a claptrap. Subhan Allah, I love it.

And that was only my personal opinion about how we are shaped by the society, albeit, if we truly believe in Allah swt with an intact faith, we will definitely instil good Akhlaq, take care of the boundaries between man and woman and do everything 'fisabilillah'.

One reminder, for me, before to be passed towards the nations.

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Meaningful Moment

Assalamu'alaykum,

Tomorrow is the day, Grand Finale for OIC Intervarsity Debate Championship. I was quite well-informed with this event especially with its conspicuous posters being pasted at almost every wall of IIUM that one cannot avoid from seeing of all the details graphically designed to tell the people what it is all about. Debate?, I have my own personal point of view about it and insha Allah, shall share with you all for the next upcoming posts.

Put that aside, and now let me share, insha Allah, about one coincident event that had occurred yesterday which resulted my self to be silently exhilarated of the ebullient I experienced. It was a normal day, like any other day that I faced along my studies in IIUM. Of course, the atmosphere, environment, people are not necessarily the same which I often state that everything, even the tiniest thing does has an impact upon me that defines what I am now. I was driving back from Melawati after having a delicious lunch of Ikan Bakar with Zaid. As always, the sweltering sunny typical weather of equator has never failed to exerts out such sulky sweats out of my body. Both of us were enjoying the relishing moment after a very scrumptious lunch accompanied with side dishes inside the car and Alhamdulillah, no burping sound was heard during that time.

I parked my car at Kuliyyah of Islamic Revealed Knowledge and Human Sciences and made my move to the Masjid to have some rest and someone greeted me, " Assalamu'alaykum! ", " Wa'alaykumussalam" I answered in return and I turned and it was my Psychology senior. He just finished of his personal matters and headed the same way as we are and that was when I noticed something so familiar. A guy, not that tall and not to short, but rather moderate. " Wait, Allah, macam familiar je dia ni. Macam budak Melawati ni. " I spoke to my friend and then I was so confident that I shouted " Assalamu'alaykum! " and he turned around " Eh, wa'alaykumussalam!, eh lamanya tak jumpa. Kau dah besar ada jambang, janggut semua, apa cerita dowh. " It was Adi, my long missed schoolmate of Taman Melawati. He responded with his innocent voice. " Alhamdulillah, sekarang belajar kat sini, ni belakang my Kuliyyah. " and then we exchanged numbers and proceeded with our own agenda.

I stunned inside and felt so grateful towards Allah swt. Now, maybe some of the readers are wondering why is this event has given, apparently significant impact on me. To elucidate, SMK Taman Melawati has become staunchly one of the most historical place I had ever lived on this earth. Every event that had taken place at that memorable high school really shaped me now. My friends which play as a vital agent of socialization are always placed at the best place of my heart though there might be friends who were not that close before, but still, my appreciation is there. So, when I saw my friend's face at that particular time, all the memories started to, abruptly check in to my brain, activated my neurons and brought me back to the time where I was still wearing the librarian neck-tie and a pitch librarian uniform, so ambitious. The moment where I was really outspoken and talkative-Alhamdulillah, managed to rectify-, unwavering supports towards the Ustazah, such comedian person I was before with all those Tazkirah shared with all people I met, my so called bestfriends -now everyone is my bestfriend- . I smiled and unstoppably telling my senior and Zaid about how grateful I was towards Allah swt for who I am now.

I felt happy to see him back after 2 years for he can see what I am now and how I can perceive who he is now. Feeling like hugging him but time is unforgivable. That event, really, all of a sudden, knocked my head and made me realize of who I am now. Still, lots of things need to be improved. Insha Allah.

There might be events that happen to you that seem to be unattractive, but who knows of the underlying messages come along with?.

" But seek the abode of the Hereafter in that which Allah hath given thee and neglect not thy portion of the world, and be thou kind even as Allah hath been kind to thee, and seek not corruption in the earth; lo! Allah loveth not corrupters, "
- Surah Al-Qasas, Ayat 77

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Seclusion

Assalamu'alaykum,

"The mutual rivalry (for piling up of worldly things) diverts you,"
-Surah At-Takathur, Ayat 1

We are too busy. So many things to do; studying for exams, completing assignments, reports need to be submitted, children to be fed, wife to take care of, parents to be served accordingly. Amidst of the chaos bustling that we encounter each and every single day, have we ever spent at least a minute to seclude ourselves for Allah swt, alone, wholeheartedly?.

Saidina 'Umar Radyallahu'anhu once said, " Hasibu anfusakum qabla an tuhasabu " which means, " Bring yourself to account before you are taken to account. " It connotes that we need to really take care of all the deeds that we have done or yet to be done. 'Umar further said, " Wazinu anfusakum qabla antuzanu ", " Weigh your deeds before your deeds are weighed ".

How many years have you lived in this world, 18 years? 25 years? 30 years?, ask yourself, what you have done for Islam?. We are blinded with this futile world, that full with hopeless dreams which ultimately we realize that we have contributed nothing for Allah swt, at all.

Free yourself and take your portion of seclusion.

In one hadith:

Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri (radhiallahu `anhu) said, ‘It was said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, what is the most virtuous deed?‘ He said, ‘Jihad in the way of Allah.’ He said, ‘Then what?’ He said, ‘That a man secludes himself in the mountains fearing Allah and freeing the people from his evil.’

[Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

Secluding yourself here does not signifies that you need to abandon your wife, family, studies and any kind of Dunyawi things, but it is urging you to find time to seclude yourself just for Allah swt alone. We need to be balanced and it shall goes 70% for Akhirat, and 30% for Dunya. Take off the I-Pod, switch off the television and go to one place where you can devote yourself faithfully to Allah swt. Try to seclude yourself for about maybe 20 minutes and start to Muhasabah (introspection). Allah loves those who try to find way to be one step closer to Him. This world exists ephemerally and do not wait until the repentance door is closed, forever.

Trials and challenges are what make your faith, enhanced or decreased. The power is in your hand.

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Undefinable Gratitude

Assalamu'alaykum,

Subhan Allah!, I am so grateful right now. Feeling like putting my forehead on the ground, expressing my gratitude towards Him, unremittingly and do not want to lift my head up, ever again. How I am so glad, ya Allah.

A bit speechless.

‎" If in your offer letter has stated which course will you major in, that will be your major, no need to declare once again."-Sir Nerawi, Mass Communication lecturer. Subhan Allah, Alhamdulillah. Allah has opened for me a way to pursue my dream in Psychology.

"O ye who believe! Seek help in steadfastness and prayer. Lo! Allah is with the steadfast. (153)"
- Surah Al-Baqarah, Ayat 153

Alhamdulillah!

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Major Sins; Draw A Line

Assalamu'alaykum,

It is narrated on the authority of ‘Abdur-Rahman b. Abu Bakra that his father said: We were in the company of the Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) that he observed:

Should I not inform you about the most grievous of the grave sins? (The Holy Prophet) repeated it three times, and then said: Associating anyone with Allah, disobedience to parents, false testimony or false utterance. The Holy Prophet was reclining, then he sat up, and he repeated it so many times that we wished that he should become silent.

(Sahih Muslim)

Insha Allah, today, maybe I want to share a little bit of my small amount microscopic knowledge regarding major sins. It is clear enough in the Hadith aforementioned about some of the grievous grave sins that we Muslims should prevent ourselves from committing it.

Let's us dissect what Abdullah ibnu Mas'ud -Allah be pleased with him – said about this.

"The believer sees his sins as if he is sitting at the foot of a mountain fearing that it might fall on him, while the sinner (fâjir) sees his sins as a fly that lands on his nose, he just waves it away."

Definitely you do not want yourself to get pinned by the formidable mountain for your body will be fragmented and such horror scene will take place, logically right? and what you would do if a fly lands on your nose? You will like wave it left to right grudgingly. Now can you see the underlying meanings of this metaphorical statement?. It is like when you see snarling dogs chasing you all of a sudden and you will unhesitatingly run away from them and this applies the same to those top major sins. To cut off my deliberation, it denotes that you need to drive yourself away from all those malicious actions that will give your life a misery.

Wait!, Take a break. I want to ask you guys to do something, don't worry, it won't hurt you. Close your eyes, pay attention to your one single tongue. With Bismillah, try to move the tongue, left, and then right, fold it a bit, twist your tongue and do whatever weird stuffs that you can do with your gifted tongue (make sure you will still have your tongue). Finish? Alhamdulillah!. Now switch your focus to your right hand. Try to do the same as what I'd asked you to do above (alright, it might hurt a bit).

Brothers and Sisters in Islam, I want to ask you honestly, what did you feel once you move your tongue? It feels nothing. No pain at all (unless if you bite it), but how about when you try to move your hands?. It hurts right?. This is what life is like, in fugitive way. To talk or to deliver Tazkirah or any kind is much, much easier than actually to put it into practices. Go in front of the mirror and ask, 'How many of us today really walk the talk that we talk? ' ,or are we prefer to just talk without practising it. This 2 famous verses of the Qur'an portray how Allah is so mad with those who preach but do not practice.

"O ye who believe! Why say ye that which ye do not? (2) It is most hateful in the sight of Allah that ye say that which ye do not. (3)"

- Surah As-Saff, Ayat 2-3

It does not mean here that you should not spread the Da'wah just that you need to have a guileless heart and sincere intention in doing everything in this worldly life. Try your best to sit next to the Prophet for we are born not to be perfect.

Going back to what I want to share with you all, Brothers and Sisters in Islam, is about some of the major sins that we might, unconsciously committing over and over again, na'udzubillahiminzalik.

1. Shirk

Shirk is when you associate Allah SWT with something else; deities,fetishes and statues.

It is divided into two which are: -Asy-Syirku al-Akbar (Major Shirk) and -Asy-Syirku al-asghar (Minor Shirk).

"Lo! those who expect not the meeting with Us but desire the life of the world and feel secure therein, and those who are neglectful of Our revelations, "

- Surah Yunus, Ayat 7

Syirku al-Akbar or Major Shirk is one type of shirk that is happening in our Ibadah by setting up any other Ilah other than Allah swt. What are the things that you can figure out when we talk about Major Shirk?.

Veneration and praying towards other creatures or non-existence creations other than Allah swt.

Allah says in the Qur'an,

"And when they mount upon the ships they pray to Allah, making their faith pure for Him only, but when He bringeth them safe to land, behold! they ascribe partners (unto Him),"

-Surah Al-Ankaboot, Ayat 65

We only ask Allah when we are in midst of predicament, at the death's door, but once Allah helps us all, we tend to ignore Him and tend to disobey Him. Bear in mind that this is consider as Shirk.

• Absolute Obedience Other Than Allah

"Say, (O Muhammad, to mankind): If ye love Allah, follow me; Allah will love you and forgive you your sins. Allah is Forgiving, Merciful. "
- Surah Ali-Imran, ayat 31

• Putting Desired Things at The Same Level With Allah and exceeding Him

"Yet of mankind are some who take unto themselves (objects of worship which they set as) rivals to Allah, loving them with a love like (that which is the due) of Allah (only) - Those who believe are stauncher in their love for Allah - Oh, that those who do evil had but known, (on the day) when they behold the doom, that power belongeth wholly to Allah, and that Allah is severe in punishment! "
-Surah Al-Baqarah, Ayat 165

This is like a slap to our face. Realistically speaking, we often prioritize things that we love the most surpassing the One Lord. Be it our lustful desire, personal gratification or things that we want so bad. We boldly once, delay our prayer just for the sake of buying numbers for gambling, let go the Hijab just to put on some garments on the ears. How could we actually commit all those kind of sins when we have uttered that there is no God to worship but Him and Muhammad is His messenger?. Take a few steps back and re-evaluate ourselves.

"Say: If your fathers, and your sons, and your brethren, and your wives, and your tribe, and the wealth ye have acquired, and merchandise for which ye fear that there will be no sale, and dwellings ye desire are dearer to you than Allah and His messenger and striving in His way: then wait till Allah bringeth His command to pass. Allah guideth not wrongdoing folk. "
-Surah At-Taubah, Ayat 24

Major Shirk Consequences

"And (remember) when Luqman said unto his son, when he was exhorting him: O my dear son! Ascribe no partners unto Allah. Lo! to ascribe partners (unto Him) is a tremendous wrong"
-Surah Luqman, Ayat 13

Would not be forgiven by Allah swt

"Lo! Allah pardoneth not that partners should be ascribed unto Him. He pardoneth all save that to whom He will. Whoso ascribeth partners unto Allah hath wandered far astray."
-Surah An-Nisa', Ayat 116

Forbidden from entering Jannah

"They surely disbelieve who say: Lo! Allah is the Messiah, son of Mary. The Messiah (himself) said: O Children of Israel, worship Allah, my Lord and your Lord. Lo! whoso ascribeth partners unto Allah, for him Allah hath forbidden paradise. His abode is the Fire. For evil-doers there will be no helpers. "
- Surah Al-Maidah, Ayat 72

Futility of the deeds

"And verily it hath been revealed unto thee as unto those before thee (saying): If thou ascribe a partner to Allah thy work will fail and thou indeed wilt be among the losers. "

-Surah Az-Zumar, Ayat 65

Far from His guidance

"Turning unto Allah (only), not ascribing partners unto Him; for whoso ascribeth partners unto Allah, it is as if he had fallen from the sky and the birds had snatched him or the wind had blown him to a far-off place."

-Surah Al-Hajj, Ayat 31

- Minor Shirk

To enlighten the point here, for instance, try to look back the moment we surfed the Internet. We were so busy searching things that we want, completing our tasks, chatting, or most common, facebook-ing but when the Azan overheard what did we do?. Did we answer the prayer, go perform ablution and prostrate to Allah swt? Or we continue to surf the internet wholeheartedly ignoring the call prayer?. This explains the meaning of minor shirk.

“The matter that I fear the most for you is minor shirk…”
Al-Albaanee’s As-Silsilah As-Saheehah

“When they get up for the prayer (Salaah), they get up lazily. That is because they only show off in front of the people, and rarely do they think of Allaah.”
- SurahAn-Nisaa’, 4:142

2.Magic

Magic which what we know is an ancient belief of the power of unseen creature, named Shaytan. It is sometimes defined as a form of deception by showing something to an audience, which is contrary to reality and hardly accepted by logic. In Islam this is part of magic, which is, however, defined as seeking the help of demons to do something harmful against somebody, despicably.

"And indeed (O Muhammad) individuals of humankind used to invoke the protection of individuals of the jinn, so that they increased them in revolt (against Allah); "

- Surah Al-Jinn, Ayat 6

In this so called modern world, many of us think that there is no such thing as magic being practice as it is only belong to the backward people and those who lived in the medieval period. To be frank, it is still being encouraged to practise today, yes, even our youth. This shows how we are so doubtful with the power of Allah swt.

3. Disloyalty To The Parents

Parents, without them where would we all been to now?, are we able to see such beautiful sunrise and adorable embedded moon without them?. Respecting our parents is one of the most crucial thing to do whenever and wherever we are regardless. Allah says in the Qur'an:

"Thy Lord hath decreed, that ye worship none save Him, and (that ye show) kindness to parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age with thee, say not "Fie" unto them nor repulse them, but speak unto them a gracious word. "
- Surah Al-Israa', Ayat 23

Our tone, the words that we want to use, how we speak with them, all need to be taken into account. No, we cannot simply treat our mother the way we treat our friends and definitely wrong for us to yell savagely to our father the way we mad at our juniors in school, office etc. They are completely at the different highest level of hierarchy in this life. The cultivation of love towards them shall has been inculcated since the beginning, after they have been nurturing us with the knowledge, moral values and whatnot. Why is it so hard if we just choose to succumb when there is a squabble going on with our parents?, just for preventing us from going one inch outside of the house to make sure that we would not do bad things, we need to act seditiously?.

Even worst, some even willingly kick the Qur'an that the mother were reading and ask for money. O Allah!, what kind of world will I live soon!.

Larger the scope now, to those who have married. Remember, when you accentuate more to your wife and prioritize the wife more than your mother, you are actually reserving a place in the hellfire. As a son, and a husband, your priority after God is your mother and you need to serve her at your best.

In one hadith,

A man came to the Prophet and said, ‘O Messenger of God! Who among the people is the most worthy of my good companionship? The Prophet said: Your mother. The man said, ‘Then who?' The Prophet said: Then your mother. The man further asked, ‘Then who?' The Prophet said: Then your mother. The man asked again, ‘Then who?' The Prophet said: Then your father.
(Bukhari, Muslim).

These are some of the major sins that we Muslims should avoid from involve in it. It is strongly forbidden in Islam and such vicious act to be put into practices. Abhor things that Allah has prevented upon us so that we can live this life, faithfully and satisfyingly.

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O Allah, Make Me Strong

Assalamu'alaykum,

"Be sure We shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods, lives, and the fruits of your toil. But give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere. Those who say, when afflicted with calamity, 'To Allah we belong, and to Him is our return.' They are those on whom descend blessings from their Lord, and mercy. They are the ones who receive guidance."
-Surah Al-Baqarah, Ayat 155-157

Alhamdulillah, the process of inhaling oxygen permeating in the air and exhaling the carbon dioxide inside, out is still running around my autonomic body flawlessly which allows me to relish the great wonders of Allah swt. That is how humans and plants interchanging what they have to benefit each other by the permission of Allah, Glorified in His loftiness.

Today 8th of December, 2010 is a historic day of my life, unexpectedly. All of a sudden, my plan which I was so intense previously, all turn out to be another way around. Whoever knows me, they know how I am so into Psychology and my passion in it is unquestionable but this is life. Not everything that we want, we will necessarily get it. Allah knows what is the best for His servants. I checked my 1st Semester result yesterday and my pointer dropped and my grades were not that good and I was astounded. I searched for Psychology and this word spilled out from my mouth " Lailahaillallah" and I kept silent. The only thing that can be heard at that moment was the sound of the whirling fans. I kept Istighfar and I hushed to myself " What I'd done wrong? Ya Allah, please help me, I really love the subject. " I called Ummi and told her and as usual she will always be supportive. "Insha Allah". Babah, he never failed to give his outstanding support towards me " Tahniah Nabil. Don't worry, Insha Allah, you will succeed, pray to Allah a lot my smart son! " and he stroked my head. To be frank, I was about to drop some tears, tears that possibly inundate the whole world of the result that I just got. I was so in desolation.

After sending my sister to the train station, I went straight to International Islamic University Malaysia and had my breakfast at HS cafe. Accidentally met my previous classmate and we talked a bit. I made my move right after I finished the meals to the Psychology department, a place I had been skulking around whenever I am passing by the place, imagining how I would be frequently go inside there, settling up matters for my degree but it does not seem to go the way I wanted it to be. *I really feel sad now, Allah.

" Salamu'alaykum, may I see the Academic Advisor? "

" Wa'alaykumussalam, dia ada dekat bilik. "

" Ouh, she's in already, thank you, Salam. "

I went to the room and met Dr Mariam, Academic Advisor for Psychology Department.

" There is only one option, which is you need to re-take the subject but you need to consider back so many things. "

"I know, at this moment, thing that is running inside your mind, is the passion, but it is not only about that. "

"Don't just simply do things without looking at other priorities. You will be delaying your time here to complete your studies and the sections are all full if you want to re-take. "

I listened while my heart , deep inside, trembled.

" Insha Allah, there will be another way. Sometimes, things just do not go the way we wanted it to be. InsyaAllah, I will try my best to go with my 2nd study-plan. " I replied.

" Insha Allah, it is good to have study plans. All the best. Insha Allah. "

That was a little bit of my conversation with Dr Mariam.

Believe me, I was about to burst into tears, knowing that I have lost my chance to do Bachelor in Psychology. But I did not, for I know Allah knows what is the best for me. It is not easy, yes, to endurably face all the obstacles and overcome it, is not easy. I sent a message to my Babah, updating of everything that had happened and my plan.

* My eyes watered now

Here is my 2nd study plan: Major in Sociology, minor in Islamic Revealed Knowledge complete it all and then pursue for my Master in Psychology (Coaching and Mentoring) insyaAllah either in IIUM or Stanford University or Birmingham University and then go to middle east for my Islamic studies. I really pray to Allah, that this will be my right choice of course, after Isthikarah.

That's it for now, I guess. Brothers and Sisters in Islam, pray for me, I really need you guys' support now, Insha Allah.

* Nabil, tabahkan hati.

Salam.

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